Given that I skim Facebook updates and rarely ever linger (we all know what it's like to get caught up, keep scrolling down, and lose track of time), I tend to miss out on major news such as friend's birthdays AND engagements. But one thing that completely came out of left field was finding out that Beau, a friend from my sport/rockclimbing days, passed away in April.
I met Beau some 15 years ago at the local climbing gym near school. He was funny, charming, caring, generous, and sweet. I found out about Usher through the song "You Make Me Wanna" for the first time, because Beau liked to turn up the volume on his earphones that whoever was sitting next to him could hear what was playing. Way before everyone else scoured
Ukay-Ukay [flea market-like] stores, he knew of this place that sold Roxy, Billabong, Unionbay, and other like-branded items. He would go there early in the morning and when he got to the gym in the afternoon, would happily share his latest finds. I remember him handing me a pair of climbing shorts from one of his shopping trips.
And no—our friendship was purely platonic. Back then, the sport had a ratio of maybe 10 guys to two girls, and those guys treated the girls like sisters. Beau, Gax, Jonas, Doods, Simon, Ruben, Chonny, Levy, Jason, Ferdie, Astro, etc. easily became like second family. We all went on climbing trips, surf trips, road trips, and it was awesome, wholesome fun.
While eventually people did couple up in some form, I definitely wasn't in "circulation"—for lack of better term—due to the fact that
I looked like a prepubescent boy at the time and was the 'baby' in the group. (Remember: this was years before I'd get all glammed up and glossy from my magazine job.) It's been a while since I've scaled a wall, and even with all the time that has passed, I still look back fondly at those days, and credit the friendships and experiences from that time for so many wonderful things that followed.
Earlier today, I stumbled upon an update from Beau's wife, Anna, that sounded a little bit intense. My first thought was maybe one of them had been diagnosed with cancer: I opened her page and there I opened a can of worms. I spent almost all afternoon catching up on her Timeline and blog, Surviving Beau (http://rockmaven.wordpress.com), a tribute to her husband and a sounding board for families of victims of suicide. It definitely is heavy stuff and while I'm no stranger to the subject of depression, anxiety, and panic attacks, I'm still wrapping my head around the gravity of what happened. I am also deeply saddened for Anna—nobody in a loving relationship should ever be widowed (if it were up to me, husbands and wives should die together peacefully, in their sleep). But then, I am not God. I can only pray for Anna's strength, faith, and continued hope…and for her to be able to take it a day at a time amidst this tremendous loss.
Anna's blog is excellently written (she's a TV producer for a big network, after all). It's heartfelt, gritty, and very real. She digs into the science and psychology of suicide—getting rid of the stigma, understanding the sense of helplessness of those who succumb to it, experiencing grief—and even touches on the 'meta'…all of which threaded by her faith in God and strong, steadfast love for Beau.
To Beau, wherever you are, I wish you peace and lots and lots of good vibes. I hope you're in a place free of whatever plagued you in this life. If it's true that love carries over lifetimes and goes beyond our physical forms, I hope that one day, you and Anna meet again and simply pick up where you left off.
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord make his face to shine upon you,
and be gracious to you.
May the Lord lift up his countenance upon you,
and give you peace.
