Rich Friend, Poor Friend

"Champagne wishes and caviar dreams..."

I have a varied selection of friends: middle-class, rich, self-made, and those who get by with very little.

I think my ultra-rich friends like me and I get along with them just fine and enjoy their company because, for one, I don't pretend to be wealthy. And two, while I have a picky palate and have evolved in my tastes (becoming meticulous when it comes to manners in the process), I don't mask my middle-class quips like, "Is that caviar pie?" (and later on admit to myself that I actually do not like the taste of caviar pie) or "What does [any term rich people use] mean?" True, sometimes I am unnerved by the opulence of their lives (one friend has back-to-back flat-screen TVs in his Park Avenue apartment), but I enjoy learning about things like Fornasetti plates and luxe coffee machines.

As for my self-made friends, I love their company as well because we all, more or less, come from the same background; raised by middle-class, entrepreneurial/hardworking parents who happened to like fine things and read good books. We've put in the time to grow and nurture our careers and have become great friends along the way. We've also had our "poor" moments and we enjoy what we have these days and don't mind the treats and the splurges.

And, since I did not grow up rich, I have the money habits of the non-rich—meaning, my finances are not set up the way my wealthier friends' are, with their short- (wallet), medium- (wants), and long-term (nest egg) bank accounts. I find myself broke from time to time and exactly because of my upbringing, I do not worry much because I know that money is meant to be spent, and that one can earn it again and again.

Life Lessons Right This Minute

DAY 28

of the 30-Day Blog Challenge

You all know this scene!

I'm in the middle of a deadline, an article about, of all things, beauty etiquette and manners, and thought I'd squeeze in a blog post before the clock strikes midnight—my daily personal blog deadline for the last 28(!) days. I don't intend to do a third "Oops" post.

At the moment, I'm thinking about my friend Frances who had just given birth to her little bundle of joy (and, who had even managed to squeeze in a blog post in the middle of labor!). I've just glanced at the MMS again and my heart feels such joy for her and I simply find motherhood so magical. It's just different when it happens to a loved one, especially someone with whom you've shared the "no-children" sentiment for the longest time, only to eventually have Mother Nature have the last laugh. I know I'd be going down that road someday, no matter how much I repeatedly object.

So, as I think about all that, here are some notes I'd like to put in before I go back to my article.

1. Good manners go a long way.

Since I've already brought up the subject, might as well indulge. I've talked about my Tita Joan so many times in this blog. Again, I'm bringing her up, because if there's someone who's the epitome of good manners and grace, it's her. True, my teens were marked by non-stop prompts to be "sensitive toward others" and to be more aware of my surroundings. But now that I'm older, I realize that the more manners come second to nature to a person, the better s/he can function in society and focus on the more important things. There's a reason why your parents teach you not to talk with your mouth full when you're little; or to not interrupt in conversations: because when you're older, there's really not much time to fixate on these things as you try to live your life. However, I believe one should take some sort of refresher course every now and then (I'd written two posts here in this blog back in November—part 1 and part 2—on etiquette if you're interested). And, when etiquette-related boo-boos happen, one must simply have a sense of humor about it. Again, there are bigger things in life than getting your place settings right.


2. Peace that passes understanding.

I've just skimmed my "Go in peace" post from last year's Inspiration Series. I had a feeling I'd already written about this phrase and true enough, I have. I just got reminded of it yesterday when I finally was able to speak of the pain with the person who had caused all that pain (actually, come to think of it, even moments before that if I remember correctly). I know that over the past two years, I'd reconciled the issue and have weighed in on the benefits of having gone through that time...and emerging a happier person. But, it was nice to finally speak out and get it out there...and officially put an end to that chapter and happily move along.


3. Positive people attract positive EVERYTHING.

I've witnessed this in friends and former colleagues, including Frances. People who, with conviction, know that life is good, and goodness in life is abundant, truly live in goodness and abundance! They attract life's best moments, opportunities, and experiences, and celebrate accordingly. This only reminds me further that happiness is a decision you make. You can choose to fixate on what's wrong in your life and in the world, but time is better spent reveling in the brighter side of things.

Image courtesy of Warner Bros. and http://www.hotflick.net.

I'm with the bandwidth

If you must Wi-fi...

As a freelance writer and editor, I am one of many who cocoon in coffeeshops and Wi-fi hubs to get things done. I won't mention my two favorite sweet spots in this post, but watch out for an upcoming blog at Yummy.ph to find out what they are. (And if you do go to one of them, please don't finish all the Sylvannas.)

While working on a recent Inquirer article ("Where to find the perfect hairstylist," 12/04/09), I ended up typing up some notes on the side involving café decorum. I know I'd already written two blog posts on etiquette, but at the risk of sounding uptight and a buzz-kill to the uplifting benefits of caffeine enjoyed in a communal space, I hope the tips below are indeed worth calling out—for the sake of my co-cocooners and coffeeshop cohorts.


Rule of hours

For every hour you spend lounging and making use of the Wi-fi, try to order at least one item from the menu. I’ve learned the value of turning tables when I worked as a hostess/Maître d' in New York. While neighborhood café staffers don’t rely on this particular system of waiting, it's still ethically sound to not be a freeloader on business space: No matter how cozy or 'homey' the ambience may be, you are still inside a place that relies on revenue to stay in existence.

If however, coffee is already coming out of your ears, leave a tip instead—a generous one.

I noticed in Starbucks the security guard also clears the table after patrons leave. Think of the gratuity as your way of saying 'Thank you' to the guard (who, by job function shouldn't even be busing tables) for doing his job of not letting thieves and thugs who could easily grab your laptop inside the establishment .


Ring, ring, go away

If you are within earshot of at least two people, please step out of the café to use your phone. If you're already wearing a Bluetooth headset, all the easier it is to quietly slip out and continue the (emphatic) conversation outside. I perfectly understand how Wi-Fi hubs can be such convenient workspaces, but note that these places are still first and foremost dining facilities—not your office.


One top, two top

It is indeed very, very tempting to make a beeline for the plush couches or big corner booths upon arriving at your Wi-fi hotspot of choice. But before you whip out the extension cord, look around and gauge traffic inside the establishment. If it looks busy, go for a smaller table that seats two, or to be even more prudent(?), park yourself by the solo bar stools, if available. But if you come in when it's quiet, feel free to stretch out and bounce off the walls. Once it gets busy though, take that as your cue to go offline and be elsewhere—your office, perhaps, or even better: home.

A Lesson in Etiquette (Part 2)

In the same vain as I'm never going to eat nachos drizzled with melted cheese and jalapeños with a fork, etiquette has plenty to do with common sense. And for whatever is written here, I suggest taking it all with a grain of salt.

To quote from Papa:

"The best way, forever, is to grab the chicken and chomp. I learned that there are so many useless information is this part of the galaxy and I coped better when I fixed on the big things. Max Fried Chicken just provides water to wash your hands after eating. I listen to successful people—free guide to fortune... Now, to Farmville!"


American vs. Continental Dining

Prior to reading The Little Book of Etiquette by Dorothea Johnson I had no idea that there were two ways to handle one's fork and knife. I'm tempted to just scan the illustrations, but I don't want to deal with copyright issues (and I'm lazy). I'll try to break them down as simply as I could.

The American way is to hold the fork in a downward slope, gently slicing food with the knife ("Don't saw back and forth at your meat with a knife. Stroke the knife toward you."). After cutting, place it down the edge of your plate, sharp side facing in. Switch the fork on your left to your right and hold it like a pencil. Convey food to your mouth as you would a mini-shovel.

The Continental way, on the other hand, has the diner holding both knife and fork throughout the meal. "After the food is cut, your knife to secure it on your fork. Bring the fork, tines down to your mouth by twisting your wrist and raising your forearm slightly."

If that sounds confusing, I'm sure a quick Google will yield some helpful images. As for me, I've managed to combine the two ways without realizing it. Now knowing this, does it mean I'll have to choose?


The 'Fish' Way

I'd been holding my knife like a pencil all these years, after learning this was the proper manner of doing so. It turns out, this is the way one is supposed to hold the knife when eating (and maneuvering) fish. Good thing I've eaten mostly seafood in the past decade.

For poultry and other meats, "the knife is not held like a fish knife because more leverage is needed for cutting." So do as you would when slicing vegetables on a cutting board, except stick your pointer finger forward to steady the knife. "Cut only one piece at a time."


Going Back for Seconds

This I needed to know: The photo above is how one should leave silverware on the plate when taking a breather or leaving the table with the intention of coming back to pick up where one left off. "A highly trained server will not remove your plate with the fork and knife crossed. This is a universally known silent signal indicating the diner has not finished and is only resting."


Bread and Butter

• "Do not pull the roll in half." (I am sooo guilty of this!)
• "Break off only one bite of your bread or roll at a time, then butter it with your butter spreader and eat." (This, I do, after I've pulled the roll in half, ha!)
• "Do the buttering on your plate, not in your hand." (Oops.)

Johnson advises that should the person on your left commandeer you bread plate, don't call him or her on the faux pas and instead, use your dinner plate for bread. "Resist the urge to take the bread plate on your right and confuse others."


Other Random Tips
(...and Tipping)

"Before you sit down, approach each person at the table whom you have not met beforehand. Extend your hand and introduce yourself, greeting guests you already know by name."

"White wine glasses are held by the stem and red wine glasses by the bottom of the bowl when one is at a seated dinner. Leave the wine swirling, gargling and stem maneuvers to the oenophiles."

"Tips are supposed to be a reward for services performed, as well as a supplement to an employee's income. The average gratuity is 15 or 20 percent (before taxes). A larger gratuity should be left for extraordinary food or service."

A Lesson in Etiquette (Part 1)

Image courtesy of Amazon.com

A Lesson in Etiquette (Part 1)

When it comes to table manners and proper social conduct, I don't consider myself completely ignorant. After all, plenty past luncheons, dinners, and events had required some form of proper decorum from my end, and as a child of the 80s and 90s, I knew early on from watching Pretty Woman that one used utensils from the outside in.

When my uncle—a self-made man—got together with my aunt who was from an old-rich family, my cousins and I (we all lived under one roof) benefited from a lesson or two on refinement. Tita Joan (pronounced 'Jone'), became our second mother, teaching us about manners and the good life by way of Julie Andrews in The Sound of Music. She taught us by example—never ever in a condescending way—and through countless invitations to dine at her parents' home wherein household help served meals from our right and cleared the plates from our left. (Or was it the other way around? Now you see why I needed the book above?)

Personally, apart from Tita Joan's open-minded and introspective outlook in life, I can mostly recall her culinary influences: chicken baked in paprika, how to properly sear meat ("Don't flip it about."), good mustard and marmalade, and so forth. She also taught me to eat Boursin and Havarti cheese; and for many years, I couldn't tell them apart. And because of her, when I had my own apartment and didn't really have a lot of money, I still went to Mandarin Hotel for the walnut multigrain bread.

That said, I always still get curious about other fine things in life, including the study of etiquette. So when I picked up the mini-book, The Little Book of Etiquette by Dorothea Johnson, I may have as well called myself ignorant all these years.

Here are some pointers that called out to me, including so many things I didn't know. Please feel free to add your own tips via the comment boxes, we all could use a new reminder or two. And as I write this, I realize the book covers a lot of ground with enough material to be discussed, so I'll do a mini-series as I blog along.

1. "Do try a little of everything served to you unless you know you are allergic to it."

I first caught wind of this dining 'Do' when I noticed almost a decade ago how my friend, Simon (my mentor Marie's boyfriend) never declined on snacks or food I offered him. This habit of his slowly clued me in that he was doing this out of good manners. After all, he always struck me as someone who had impeccable decorum—always tactful and refined.

2. "Blot your mouth before taking a sip of water."

Now I think I've been doing the opposite way, patting the napkin over my mouth after drinking from the glass. From now on, to be safe, I am going to blot twice: before and after.

3. "Do take medicine discreetly, preferably away from the table. If you must take medication at the table, do not mention it to anyone."

This is a good reminder for my Tempra and Claritin moments.

4. "Do remove alien objects from your mouth with your fingers and place them at the edge of your plate."

Good to know because I'd always assumed one had to use her fork or spoon to do this.

5. "Don't place personal items such as purses, briefcases, and glasses on the table. A small purse belongs on the lap and large purses near your feet."

And I'm adding phones to this list. I'm also guilty of placing my mobile next to my plate, so again, this is a good reminder not to. Also, those nifty jeweled bag hooks from CMG come to mind; must get one of those.

More table etiquette tips tomorrow, plus, what my dad had to say about all of this!

A Lesson in Etiquette (Part 2)

Image courtesy of BarnesandNoble.com