Been There, Done That

Going back and forth. A 'photoshoe' with my friend and mentor Marie
taken a couple of years ago.

For the first time in years, I walked into a room overwhelmed by what people were wearing. If you read this blog regularly, you would know how back in college, I had a different way of dress (very sporty, casual, versus the preppy branded/dark minimalist look of the 90s) that had been a source of insecurity for many years. It was only when I started working that I snapped out of this self-pity of sorts and found myself in a position wherein I could actually tell people what to wear, at least on their faces and hair. At the height of this job, I'd also enjoyed a closet chocful of clothes, a table of accessories, a room filled with shoes lined up to the walls. It was a pretty cool time, I must say.

Then came New York, and some slight changes in my wardrobe: At first, picking up where I'd left off, dutifully, like many city folk, toting the skyscrapers in my purse doing the whole subway-flat-office-heel switcheroo.

At the American preppy (with touches of stylish Italian) job, I'd adopted the more casual and straightforward fashion and incorporated even more color in my closet. For the first time in wintry Manhattan, I was in an office vibrant with hues of the primary color wheel that cut through the sea of black. I loved it. And even when I'd lost that job, I kept the colors (and skills).

Finally, I dropped the whole 9 to 5 shebang and settled into this comfortable style of mostly flats, jewel-toned tanks, soft knits, jeans, and shorts...almost like college again!

The other night was different though: If more than a decade ago I would look around and desire a particular type of fashion I had no access to, this time around—even though I felt that all-too familiar tinge of self-consciousness—it was mostly a feeling of discomfort, along the lines of, Uh-oh, do I have to start wearing heels again? (I do have a plan to retrain myself to wear them this year, especially after buying these shoes over the holidays.) Do I have to go back to that? (I do have it in me to be ridiculously overdressed on a whim, again, going back to insecurities of being underdressed in yesteryears past.) Do I have to start taking a bath again everyday? (That's what happens when you work from home, fellas!) I saw the dresses, hair and makeup, as if for the first time, and oddly felt fidgety.

Now that I intend to stick around here for a while, these are probably valid points to consider, perhaps for another transition in my life with certain elements that I have to establish, understand, and accept before embarking on this new journey. If you ask me point-blank, I love my life right now: the flexibility, the train rides, the kitchen sessions and frequent trips to the supermarket. If I'm going to give up all of that—and torture my feet in the process—it simply better be worthwhile.