The Parent Trap

DAY 26
of the 30-Day Blog Challenge

I got married on my Lola's 86th birthday!

While putting away laundry, I got to thinking about, of all things, parenthood. The song "Better Days" (by Dianne Reeves) played in my head and whenever that happens, I think of my maternal grandmother.

Lola helped raise me as my young parents were setting up shop. I have vivid memories of her in the back of her old apartment, washing clothes the old way, with large basins around her, and I would sit nearby and offer to join and I would be sudsing up a pair of small panties and then I would take off and play. Like I've said in a previous post, my Lola, now 86, had nine children and many, many grandchildren...as most of her children married early, remarried, and had more children (now, can you see why I refused to wed for the longest time? I was terrified!).

And, throughout my childhood, my Lola seemed to be the default caregiver at times when the grandchildren needed extra 'caring.' When I had a hernia operation at seven (my mother almost fainted in the operating room and had to take a tranquilizer or something like that), post-op care was at Lola's. She also took care of one of my aunts' three boys when they were little, fed them, washed their clothes. Frankly—and I don't mean to offend anybody—it was absurd. But, in the bigger scheme of things, those of us who were lucky to have been put in Lola's care, are quite fortunate. I wouldn't change a thing.

Now, my Lola is living alone in an apartment with a caregiver. Fortunately, my other aunt and uncle live only a two or three houses down and now help care for her. But, there are no grandchildren and great-grandchildren running around to greet her in the morning, sit on her lap, regale her with stories, call her for dinner. She has her TV, rosary, and plenty of time to sit and pray for all of us (she is malakas kay God, I kid you not!).

For what it's worth, relatives, all of us, visit her when we can. The 'when we can' is the tricky part—all except a few live miles and miles away from our hometown. Literally scattered all over the world/continent: Manila, Singapore, Malaysia, Australia, North America.

Going back to my thoughts on parenthood, it seems tragic that you put in all your love and energy towards something, somebody, who will eventually have to leave you ("Spread your wings and prepare to fly..."). I know everyone who's done the whole parenting thing will attest to how worthwhile it all is. And, I know that despite my objections all these years to having children, I will most likely eat my words down the line.

I just hope when that happens, I'd be as resilient, caring, generous, and unwavering in love and prayers, as my dearest Lola.

UPDATE 08/15: It's ironic that I wrote that post just after my dear, dear friend, Frances, had just given birth! I am sooo happy for her and am amazed at how something so magical can happen in nine months! Congrats Frances and Vince! Sending much love your way (and I know your household is brimming with lots of it anyway).